Oh Woe is the Body

I really wonder about the way we view bodies and bodily functions sometimes. It's like, we're trying so hard to pretend that we aren't animals that we have demonized everything about our animal bodies. Bodies are evil and the things that come out of them even more so.

One thing I find fascinating is the things we are forced to literally ask for redemption for by saying "excuse me" and requiring a "you're excused" in exchange. Sneezing is the one thing that escapes this due to the old superstition that our souls leave our bodies when we sneeze and the lingering "bless you" that comes as a social convention still. But even that is a direct response to something coming out of our body - someone else in the room is still required to perform some kind of absolution in return.

But I think that still affects in some way - the difference between "excuse me" and "bless you." Sneezing is seen as slightly more benign than other things. When someone coughs or yawns or burps or farts or hiccups or their stomach growls or they have to get up to pee or poo, there's still a bit of an embarrassment all around about it. Sometimes we even scowl at people who cough or yawn in our presence and burping and farting is a punishable offense in some households.

I don't understand any of it. These are all normal and natural things that all of our bodies do. It's not like some of us are exempt. And it's not like we do them on purpose to be rude. They just happen. And trying *not* to do these things can actually be very dangerous to our bodies. People who try to hold in gas, for example, can end up with messed up digestive systems as a result.

And I mean, no, I don't like smelling other people's farts, either. So okay, if you happen to let out a smelly one in the presence of other people, you can apologize for the smell. But what, honestly, is wrong with any of these other things? What harm has yawning every done anybody, and yet it's considered rude to do. We can't help if we're tired or if our bodies just happen to need more oxygen. But still, we're supposed to say excuse me afterward and people often will go further, trying explain themselves in a nervous rush.

And it doesn't stop with just these bodily functions, either.

We are so totally embarrassed to have bodies at all, for some reason. We cover up acne and shave off hair and put smelly things on us to cover up how our bodies really smell and do all kinds of strange things just to seem less like ... what? I don't even know.

And then when a body is different from the norm for some reason, watch out! If someone has a large birth mark or scars or freckles or uneven body parts or fewer body parts or more body parts or anything at all that's even slightly different from the norm (whatever that is anyway - don't MOST of us have birth marks and scars and freckles and things out of place from what's expected?), they are forced to endure even more humiliation about their bodies. They not only have bodies.... they have different bodies! Oh noes!

And then there's the whole issue of sex, which we are simultaneously so obsessed with and repulsed by, it's ridiculous. We're somehow expected to all want and desire sex and to be sexy and yet at the same time to be grossed out by sex and find it dirty and wrong. Men are especially expected to desire sex at all times, and women find themselves even more complexly expected to be sexy and virginal at the same time. We put sex up on a pedestal and say it's beautiful and profound, and then we drag it through the mud and say it's nasty and evil. We say it should be fun fun fun, and then we're troubled if someone is having too much fun with it. We despise people who are deemed as unsexy and yet we pick apart anyone who is seen as extra sexy. We think sex should be serious business, but we're not supposed to talk about how messy it is - because that involves talking about the things that come out of our bodies again, and that's just disgusting, right? We're told that sex can be primal, or it can be sacred, but it can't be both at once. And we sexualize everything and everyone. Except for the things and people we don't sexualize, and then we think it's wrong if anyone does find those things or people sexy. We equate sex with love, but fucking is a whole other matter. And is it really any wonder that we all grow up with such messed up ideas about sex?

And this takes us to just our bodies themselves. Nudity. How do we all feel about our bodies when our clothing is off? Is it sexy? Is it disgusting? Is it beautiful? Is it a sacred gift given by God? It is a playground of joys? Does it only bring pain and misery? Do we stand in the mirror and pick apart our flaws until there is nothing left? Are we too fat, too skinny, too dark, too pale, too tall, too short, breasts too big or too small or not firm enough or not perky enough, penis too small or all wrong because it is or isn't cut, do our pits stink too much when we sweat, do we have straggly hairs in all the wrong places and not enough on our heads, are our veins too obvious, are our hands to rough, those stretch marks too large, that scar too red, those nails too long or short, those eyebrows too bushy, that neck too wide, those arms too flappy, those elbows too bumpy, that hair not cut perfectly enough, those glasses don't fit right, that limp too obvious, that acne too out of control, that dandruff too flaky, those feet look just ... too much like feet??

Why can't we just accept our bodies and other people's bodies the way they are? Why do we constantly have to excuse ourselves for having bodies that are functioning? Would it be better if we never coughed or farted or pooped and all of the toxins inside of us just built up and we all died?

I dare you all to think of the person in the world you admire most, the person you think is the most beautiful, the sexiest, the smartest, the most graceful, the strongest, the holiest, whatever.

Think of royalty and presidents, rock stars and movie stars, Nobel winners and Mensa members, athletes and ballet dancers, priests and prophets, whatever.

Now remember: they all fart. They all pee. They all sleep. They all get sick and sneeze and cough and have slobber running down their chins. Every. Last. One of them.