Gender is a presentation of yourself to the world

Am I not cis-gendered? This is very weird for me to own up to. I… do? identify as genderqueer? Usually I just like to go with “queer” and have that count for everything. “I am not cis-gendered,” seems weird because I identity with women; I’m so feminist. I even identify as a woman, especially when speaking about feminist stuff. I own my body. But that’s also a political identity, a way of connecting with a community made up of people who have shared similar experiences. I don’t know if it’s anything more than politics though. It’s not really personal. Among them but not of them.

Oh well, fork this. ;P

Okay this is my body. Damn, that is a sweet world body… WRANG. I am not a fan of the tits. If they were, like, Lisbeth Salander size I would be all for that. But, I mean, I don’t hate them how they are. They’re just part of my body and I can ignore them most the time. Accept that I’d rather be binding them. I don’t have anything for that yet, but sometimes I’ll wear a sports bra and tight tank top under my shirt to make them… less noticeable? Less out there? I love boys’ chests though. Not when they’re all muscley, but relatively flat, ya know?

I’m kinda chubby and I don’t mind that so much, especially around the sides of my body, because it makes me feel more solid, like there’s more of me there. Boys are so solid around their torso, and I wish I could emulate that.

I LIKE SHAVING MY PUSSY AND IT’S NOT CAUSE I WANT TO LOOK LIKE A PRE-PUBESCENT GIRL. Just wanted to get that out there. I feel more ‘womanly’ with my vulva shared. (As in, mature adult versus child, not really a gendered thing.) I mean, you can see it better for one, right? I like to look. There’s still some stubble there and I like the rough texture. And plus, when I’m on my period I where pads, right? And there is so much less to clean up when I’m shaved, because when there is hair down there, the blood is just all over the hair and it gets all matted and clotty and downright disgusting.

I like hair on my legs. Like, pretty much. I like seeing other people with shaved legs. Especially men and women. But I like my legs more when they are not shaved.

I’m kinda fine with my face. My profile isn’t excellent and my chin might double sometimes, but WHATEVER. My face is awesome. I could draw it all day (and have down so on at least a few occasions).

Right now, I just want to gain more muscle. Especially in my triceps and shoulders. They’re just kinda flabby now, which isn’t terrible because at least they’re not slight, but I’d rather them be more defined. I want to lose fat in my breasts. Does that even make sense? If I lose weight, they would smaller, so that’s what I want. I’d also be happy binding more, but I’ll work up to that. I kinda… don’t mind? my stomach? It makes me feel kinda womanly and I’m okay with it there. I guess it could be cool to be toned around my stomach and be slimmer around my thighs, but it’s not a huge deal, you know? I can rock my hips. If I had just a little bit less fat around my thighs that would be cool with me though; more muscle in my legs - I’m totally jealous of Sarah’s calves. ;)

And I dig the short hair-cut, of course.

I would also dig walking around in frilly tank tops and sporty shorts while looking like that, more masculine-bodied. *sigh* That would be so beautiful. It’s pretty beautiful doing it how I look now, actually.

So basically what my gender is telling me now is that I have a female body but wish for a more masculine body so I could dress up with a more feminine presentation while still looking like a boy? Could I deal with that? I would rock skirts and masculine pronouns. I’d also like to point out that I never wore skirts until I divorced them from the gender binary and accepted that guys could totally where skirts if they wanted and still be guys.

Of course, Lisbeth Salander is also the height of beauty and feels like a boy in her body, so I would definitely not mind looking like her. ;)